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Review no Jutsu!
Constructive Criticism and Reviews for Naruto Fan Fiction
Softly Say Goodnight, Chevira Lowe 
9th-Oct-2005 09:21 pm
dance sasuke!
Title: Softy Say Goodnight
Author: Chevira Lowe sunsitenthai
Summary: Jiraiya, Orochimaru, and Tsunade as a team. How they began, and why they fell apart.
Genres: Angst
Rating: PG-15
Source: Here

Plot: Like stated in the summary, it's a story about the Dream Team, how they begin, and how they fall apart. It follows them through missions, the war, and an attack on Konoha.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: Very well done. The grammar's wonderful, the spelling's spot on, and the punctuation's to die for. I never had to worry about 'your' and 'you're' being used in the wrong places, or anything of that sort. Now, style. Occasionally she repeats phrases and words, and it just adds to the story. The repetition of key words makes the meaning of said word really hit home, and made the story that more potent.
Originality: I've never really read stories about the Sannin Team, since they are usually carbon copies of Team Seven. This time, though, it was the Sannin, and it was great. I've never read anything like this before, and that's very rare, especially in the Naruto fandom, where it often feels like a story about one team is like any other story about another team. Also, to see things from Orochimaru's point of view, however limited, is a rare treat. Often, Orochimaru's just shown as an evil demi-god of any sort. Here, he's a child with a tragic past, who's trying to just survive in the here and now.
Characterization: Great. Wonderful. Jiraiya's a pervert, Tsunade's holding the team together, and Orochimaru's trying to get by. Usually when things are shown from one point of view, the other characters are two-dimensional cardboard cut-outs. Not here, however. Here, all the characters are real people. They have emotions, they have agendas. They're people, flesh and bone and everything. And Orochimaru's character? Just wonderful. At times, he's an impudent teenager, and other times, he's a broken child. He's strong and self-reliant, and he's so alive, in a brutal, brutal way. So, yeah, good characterizations.
Entertainment: Alright. So, this is not a light read. It's not a light-hearted feel good story. It's like pieces of broken glass. Very pretty, but hurts like hell. It's very entertaining, in the way watching characters bleed and die is entertaining.
Canon: We have the war, we have the team. We have canon.
Flaws: I can honestly think of none. At all. It's perfect.
Strengths: The writing style does very well portraying the mood, but the biggest strength is in the characterizations, especially that of Orochimaru.
Suggestions: Is it finished? I'm not sure. I got the feeling it was unfinished, and if so, I think just a note to say that it's not yet done. But really, I can't even suggest anything. It's just great the way it is, I don't want any of it changed.
Overall Rating: Wow. Just...wow. Amazing.

Sample of the Story

Orochimaru doesn’t like blood. He can barely tolerate the smell of putrescence, of rot, of death. He can’t stand the sight of brilliant crimson splashed against his hands and across his clothes. He can’t stand it because it’s liquid life, and it’s being wasted on him.

Tsunade seems not to notice. She works feverishly, without reprieve, her nimble fingers nowhere near frozen, considering the length of time they’re spending immersed in blood. She eventually wipes her mouth with one hand, unaware of what’s staining it, and then she realizes. Realizes and stumbles backwards and throws up violently onto the snow. Washes her hands off this time, and then returns, trembling. Only her eyes are cold.

Orochimaru looks at her, and takes stock of her aura, and her chakra patterns. They’re feeble, flaring intermittently, and if something isn’t done, she’ll work herself to exhaustion, and then she and Jiraiya both will die. It would almost be fitting for them to perish together, but Orochimaru isn’t ready to see that happen. He doesn’t like death, doesn’t particularly like them, but they’re all he has.

“Here,” he says quietly as he holds Jiraiya together with one hand and offers the other to Tsunade. “Use my chakra.”

She stares at him a moment, her hazel eyes widening in shock or surprise or disbelief, because Orochimaru doesn’t offer such things lightly and she knows it. And then she nods once, bites her lip and takes his hand, gripping it fiercely. There’s enough excess blood coating their palms to make them stick together.

It’s almost reassuring when he feels Tsunade tap into his reserves, because at least something is being done. Even if it’s pointless, even if it won’t work, it’s something. And he’ll give and give and give until Jiraiya lives or until they all die together, as a team, the way things should be.
(Deleted comment)
10th-Oct-2005 06:18 am (UTC)
Hehehe. No, love for you! You're the one writing the amazing story.

And another chapter? Oh, yay! That makes my year.

(Deleted comment)
10th-Oct-2005 01:14 pm (UTC)
Just take it with a smile that your ffn profile has been riffled through a few times. ;)

You tend to do a remarkable job creating a dynamic story without a lot of wasted words. It gets attention.
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